


For Nathaniel

by darasayyy



Series: Oneshots [4]
Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Angst, Baby Death, F/M, Past, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-04
Updated: 2012-07-04
Packaged: 2017-11-09 03:28:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/450748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darasayyy/pseuds/darasayyy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bruce wants to have kids but, Natasha is scared. A/U</p>
            </blockquote>





	For Nathaniel

**Author's Note:**

> The man who can't be moved by the script was one of the influences of this oneshot (hence the lyrics). It's kind of gloomy if you ask me.

_Going back to the corner where I first saw you_

_Gonna camp in my sleeping bag, I'm not gonna move_

_Got some words on cardboard, got your picture in my hand_

_Saying if you see this girl can you tell her where I am?_

 

It hadn’t been their first argument but, it was by far their largest. It had started as a simple conversation about their future.

 

A future that seemed to scare Natasha more then she would ever tell Bruce.

 

_Flash Back_

_“Natasha…” Bruce said calmly wondering how exactly he could express his thoughts._

_“Yes Bruce…Is there something wrong?” She asked lifting her head from her book to look at him._

_Bruce shook his head and sat in front of her. He was nervous and he knew she could tell. He felt as if he was proposing all over again._

_“Have you ever thought about us…I mean our future together?” He questioned watching her expression._

_She raised a brow. “Well yes…I see us getting old together…if that’s what you mean?” She replied not really seeing where this conversation was going._

_“I just…Natasha we’ve been married for two years…we’ve been together for five. Don’t you think it’s time for us to settle down?” He said hoping she would get the hint._

_“You want kids?” She asked giving him a searching look. He couldn’t possibly want them…could he?_

_Bruce nodded giving her a small smile. “Don’t you think it’s time?” He asked._

_Natasha bit her lip. How could she tell the man she loved, the man who loved her that she didn’t want kids ever?_

_“No…Bruce it’s just…” She didn’t finish her sentence but she knew Bruce knew what she was going to say._

_He gave her a frustrated look. “Why not…if you’re worrying about the other Guy you don’t have to I have better control of him.” He said_

_She shook her head. “Bruce it’s not you it’s me honestly-“He cut her off._

_“Why not Natasha? I see how you interact with Peter you’re great with him. Why can’t we have our own?” He questioned feeling the anger building up in him._

_“I just don’t want them. Bruce shouldn’t that be good enough?” She countered helplessly._

_“You don’t get it” He said tiredly “I want a family.” He said trying to calm himself._

_“Well maybe you married the wrong person” She said hotly “I have no qualms with other people’s children it’s just…I don’t want any of my own.”_

_Bruce glared and stood up. “What the hell happened to our vows? Aren’t we supposed to compromise? What’s the purpose of spending your life with someone if they don’t want the things you want?” He questioned_

_“Are you saying you don’t want to be with me anymore?” She asked her voice dipping to a dangerous low._

_He sighed. “I’m saying if we don’t want the same things…why are we together?”_

_Natasha felt blind anger and sadness run through her. “Why can’t you see it from my point of view?” She said_

_“What’s there to see? You’re being selfish and you’re not taking the time to see that we could create something beautiful…a life.”_

_She shook her head. “No Bruce…” She said looking at him with pleading eyes._

_“Then I’m not staying here.” Bruce said before walking in their bedroom._

_Tears with life of their own rushed down her cheeks. “No Bruce…please don’t leave” She pleaded walking behind him._

_He ignored her and began stuffing a bag full of his clothes._

_“Bruce…you took vows too. What happened to for better and for worse? Is this our worse?” She asked looking at him as he packed._

_“I just don’t understand why?” He said pausing his actions and looking at her. “Tell me why and I won’t leave.” He said looking at her._

_She shook her head. “I just…Bruce I can’t. You can’t ask me to do this.” She said softly._

_He nodded zipping up the bag. “You’re right I can’t and I won’t…but I will leave I’ll be back in a couple of days…Don’t come looking for me.”_

_He said before walking out of the room and out of the house._

_~_

 

_Some try to hand me money, they don't understand_

_I'm not broke I'm just a broken hearted man_

_I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do_

_How can I move on when I've been in love with you?_

_~_

 

That had been last night. It was morning time and Bruce wasn’t back.

 

She had woken up to their empty king size bed hugging a pillow that held his scent. Looking around her empty bedroom she felt alone. More alone then she had felt in a while and, all because she couldn’t get over the past.

 

Getting out of the bed she walked over to her dresser. Opening the biggest drawer and pulled out a silver box. Sitting back on the bed she opened it.

 

It held pictures of a curly haired blue eyed baby boy. “Nathaniel” she whispered touching the pictures softly as if she was afraid they’d break and she did something she hadn’t done in a while. She cried and wallowed in her despair.

 

He was her baby. Her first child from a man whose name she had forgotten. He was the most beautiful baby she had ever laid eyes on. So innocent and unaware just who his mother was.

 

His hair smelt of the sweetest milk and his skin was smooth. His dimples melted the heart of the Black Widow…if only for a little while.

 

She had left him with the neighbor for only an hour and when she came back both he and the teen babysitting him lie dead on the floor.

 

She cried for days and told herself she wouldn’t have any more kids. It would spare her from the heartbreak of losing a child.

 

_'Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me_

_And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be_

_Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet_

_And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street_

 

 

She was so caught up in her self-loathing party she failed to recognize there was another person in the room with her.

 

The person cleared his throat and Natasha shot up her tear stained face, faced Steve. Steve looked shocked and saddened at the same time. 

 

“Tony sent me…” He said as an explanation. “Can I sit?” He asked.

 

Natasha nodded “Yeah” she said hoarsely looking back down at the pictures in her hand.

 

Steve sat beside her and peeked at the pictures. “Who’s this?” He questioned softly

 

“He…he was my baby.” She said softly looking the other way.

“He was six months. I had a one night stand during a mission and he was the outcome.” She started looking at the picture.

 

“He was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. So young, innocent.” She said as tears rushed down her cheek.

 

“His name was Nathaniel and, I loved him more…more than anything I had ever loved before…I had turned down so many missions because I was determined to change because he didn’t deserve to have an assassin for a mom.” She said wiping some of the tears off her face.

 

“I had got this call from this place I had sent a resume to. They wanted me to come in right away so I…I had left him with my neighbors daughter so I could run and get the application. I was only gone for an hour and…when I came back he was” She began crying harder.

 

“My baby was on the floor with his neck…I couldn’t understand how anyone could hurt something so…so innocent. I was hurt because even in my career I never killed a child” She said softly.

 

“I buried him a couple days later on the fifth and when they lowered his baby blue coffin in the ground I promised him I’d never have another kid.” She whispered. “I can’t replace him…he was my baby” she said crying into her hands.

 

Steve sighed. “Have you told Bruce any of this?” He asked softly.

 

She shook her head and looked longingly at the picture. “I can’t…I haven’t really told anyone. Besides you and Clint” She replied looking at Steve.

 

“And I’ve fucked things up with Bruce...and you know it” She said.

 

Steve shook his head. “He loves you Natasha…he just didn’t know exactly why you are afraid of having kids with him.” Steve replied touching her softly on her shoulder.

 

“I can’t tell him Steve” She said. “I can’t tell him about Nathaniel and I’m asking you…as a friend not to tell him.” She finished looking at Steve.

 

He sighed. “I can’t I have a loyalty to him.” He replied hoping she’d understand.

 

“I don’t give a damn about your loyalty to him…what about your loyalty to me. I just…I don’t want his pity or empathy. I don’t want yours either.” She said scooting away from him.

 

Steve gave her a sad look and was about to say something when his phone vibrated.

 

“Hello.” He said into the phone.

 

“You’re here why?” He asked the person who Natasha assumed was Tony.

 

“You’ve been listening…Tony I asked you not too” He hung up and looked at her.

 

“They’re here…Natasha you have to talk to him.” Steve said before a sad looking Bruce Banner walked in the bedroom.

 

Steve nodded at him and got up. Giving Natasha a look that said ‘Be Brave’ He walked out.

 

_~_

_So I'm not moving_

_I'm not moving_

_Policeman says son you can't stay here_

_I said there's someone I'm waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year_

_Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows_

_If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go_

 

 

~

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Bruce asked glancing at a picture of the boy.

 

“I couldn’t…I wanted so bad for you to know about Nathaniel but, I couldn’t put you through that” She said. “I didn’t want you to feel as if you were with some loony who couldn’t let go of the past”

 

“Tasha.” He said softly rubbing the tears off her cheek. “You’re my wife and you’ve gone through some fucked up things. No one deserves to lose a child especially like that.”

 

“But you want kids and I’m afraid…I don’t want to lose another one” she whispered touching his hand. “I don’t want to have to pick out funeral arrangements for a baby who should be alive and happy.”

 

He nodded “And you won’t have to. We’ll protect them.” He said softly. “Just give it a chance…give us a chance.”

 

Natasha nodded. “For Nathaniel?” She asked looking Bruce in the eye.

 

He nodded and kissed her softly. “For Nathaniel.”

_'Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me_

_And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be_

_Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet_

_And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street_


End file.
